There's an age-old debate that pops up every once in a while—on a date, who should pay? I know people—
women
and men—who insist its the man's job to foot the bill, and then I've met some girls who actually get
offended when a guy tries to reach for the check.
Here's my advice:
Split the costs. Loosely. I think fairness is important in a relationship, especially when you're young and neither of you are exactly rolling in cash. But keeping track of who paid how much for what is a definite libido-stopper, so I recommend taking turns covering expenses—let your date cover dinner while you buy the movie tickets and snacks, for example, or take turns paying for entire evenings. It might not be exactly even, but hopefully you'll have other nights to balance things out.
Keep first dates cheap, and free of subtext. When you hardly know someone, covering the check can have a lot of hidden meanings.
If he (or she) pays, does he expect something in return? Does this mean he's always going to pay for everything? But seriously—who cares? Even if you're a firm believer in splitting the expenses, like me, I suggest not getting too uppity if your date offers to pay. I mean, it's only one date. (Things
can get a little awkward if you're at, say, a super-expensive French restaurant, but you can avoid this problem by scheduling your tryst in advance for someplace cheap and non-committal.)
Be understanding, and think in the long term. If you're in even a somewhat serious relationship, it's important to be aware of the ups and downs in your significant other's financial life—and your own. Splitting the costs is all well and good, but if his job pays a lot more than yours does, or if you're saddled with credit card payments and student loans, you should allow the more fortunate financial party to cover most of the expenses. If you're going to be together for a while, things will even out eventually.
Do you agree with my advice? How do you handle finances and dating?Image Source
Comments (6)
Keeping things free of subtext is extremely important!
My boyfriend and I have been going out for so long that it doesn't matter so much anymore. :P We're long distance now that I've graduated college, so the one that travels is treated by the other one for meals, etc during the visit normally.
haha we both WANT to pay, usually it just ends up being whoever will have the most money left over or the winner in a game of rock-paper-scissors or something. often times though i just buy her a treat and don't tell her how much it cost. she makes up for it in other ways though ;)
In this situation, you should be extremely cautious. Perhaps you should look for very cheap or free places to go - unless it is a special (rare) treat. If one person already has a lot of debt, it can cause a lot of problems in the future when you look to get married or settle down together!
I think it's good to split the difference. When my fiance and I first started dating, he would not let me pay for anything anytime we went out. It made me kind of feel bad. Now that we live together, we split a lot of costs which makes me feel better.
My husband always pays, and I tip. I think that's fair.