Guest blog by Shelby My boyfriend is going to study abroad for a semester next year. Initially, when I received this news, I was a bit surprised and depressed about it, but other than the fact that I'd miss him, I was completely fine with it. Going to places while studying in university is a pretty common thing, and I trust that he'll be faithful to me.
Up to this point of our relationship, things have been great. I consider our love to be pretty deep. We're a very compatible couple and we cherish what we have. When we go out, I love how he's the one who pays for everything, even though I knew from the start that he wasn't wealthy or anything.
However, last night he dropped a bomb and told me that he wanted to take a relationship hiatus.
I asked him why he wanted to do that and he said, "I really need to save up.
If I want to go, I need to work twice as much to generate the money. Plus, I won't be able to spend any of it on you, and I don't wanna seem like a cheap, stingy boyfriend."
He's a full-time student (just like I am), so his studies would be an issue that conflicts with the time we'd be able to spend together. There is both a financial situation AND a problem with time.
I told him that I didn't care that he couldn't spend much on me. I suggested that the situation isn't so desperate to the point where we have to take a break. Our deal now is to spend less time together. We'll still talk on the phone, but instead of seeing each other once a week, we may see each other once every three to four weeks. I also suggested that when we ARE able to be together, we find ways to save (that includes going dutch when paying for stuff or bringing food from home).
Ever since I let all this sink in, it made me realize how much our activities involved money. Now that there isn't much of it, we're limited as to what we can do. So how much is a relationship dependent on money? Is money a significant factor in experiencing the ultimate "coupledom"? Are there any alternatives to take if a couple wants to save money and still have fun?
Comments (13)
It's hard being in a fun relationship when no one's working. Money makes the world goes round.
If you're both students, can't you study together? That's what I did when I was in college with my college boyfriend. I feel like we didn't spend much money at all. Ocassionally we'd go out for a meal, but otherwise, we'd eat on campus for free (meal plan). Or go to school sponsored events for free food?
Relationships are not dependent on money. All you need is two people who love each other and it's fine.Â
I agree with @you_were_the_song_all_along@xanga - but some of the problems that arise in couples is in part because of money.
I think it's good that you save. You can participate in paying some stuff you know.
@youngvan@xanga - Actually, we both have jobs and have been working for a long time. It's just that for some reason we always run out ><.
@kamilotte@xanga - Studying together is a good option for some couples. It's just not really for us 'cuz it's not that productive when we aren't in the same program, and we get kinda distracted by each other ><.
It is about love. However, to go out you need money. My boyfriend and I rotate paying... not in a pattern, but we both contribute on the paying. I do admit he pays for the more expensive stuff because I'm a full-time student/part time worker. He is already a college graduate making way more $$ than me. Even when we try to save money, it still cost at least 20+ if we choose to eat out... even if it just at subway or jamba juice. It gets expensive! this world is about money. Sad to say.
Its depressing if both people are broke. Really depressing. I don't think that you need money to have love, but it definitely makes the love stronger. My boyfriend and I stay home all day and play video games. I am a freelance writer, but its hard to find any work outside of that. When we had money previously, we had a lot of fun. driving around, movies, dinner, etc. I think relationships do need money to thrive, but not for superficial reasons.
You totally don't need a lot of money. Does it help? Heck yes, but relationships aren't impossible without it. Make friends with other people who don't have a lot of money so that you can all get together and do crazy free things (I'd make suggestions, but the most fun ones are the ones that happen on the spur of the moment.) As for dates, my husband and I would take walks together, rent $1 movies, get movies from the library, have picnics, go to coffee shops that had board games and buy something cheap, and hit dollar theaters back while we were dating in college. Plus, you can use whatever coupons or events the school offers. I'm sure they have some bargains. It takes being willing to think outside of the usual when it comes to dating and hanging out with friends.
And if you go out to dinner, unless it's a really special occasion, just split a dinner & drink water instead of soda. Stuff like that saves a lot.
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I think money in a relationship is only what you make of it! When my husband and I first got together, neither of us had much spare cash. We went on a lot of walks. We watched movies at home -usually ones we already owned! But there are now those 'Redbox' things at many grocery stores. A movie for $1 for a night is a good deal! Eating dinner at home together - something you would be doing anyway. Play cards - just the 2 of you or with a bunch of friends. Board games. Find local fairs that are free entrance - spend most of your time walking around and looking at things rather than playing the games.
There are many things you can do without money. It does take some adjustment. I hope you find some good cheap/free activities to enjoy!
at my age, you do need to have a steady flow of money to be in a relationship...